It seems you can’t even find a damn rental house in your city these days without having to wade waist deep through scam after scam.  Why can’t these people come to the conclusion already that people know they’re scammers right from the get-go.  Your grammar is piss-poor at best and doesn’t even make sense half the time.  Native English speakers don’t talk like you write and help us all if we did.  In the words of Mr. “T”, I pity the fool that fall for this shit I received in my inbox after responding to a Craig’s List ad about a house for rent.  Read to the end to see my response to these incompetent, money-grubbing illiterate idiots:

Thanks for your email and it is my gladness  hearing from you.

Sorry for the late response!!!! It is a great pleasure that  you are interested in my house….  …I am Mrs Elizabeth Hart ,the owner of the house you are making enquiry of Atually just got your mail, i will be taking a 1month upfront payment which mean the first and second months you will be staying in the house including some utilities (Electricity, Water, Internet and Garbage)my families and i are going to stay here in Africa for 3-4years .Every necessary information and instruction on how to get the payment sorted will be forward to you as soon as i receive your application form.So as to get the keys sent to you asap .please let me know if this is okay  by you and the house is ready anytime from now if you will like moving in asap.

PROPERTY DISCRIPTION: Quite Neighborhood !!! beautiful home for rent ready to move in ,which have also have all the house equipment Refrigerator, Washer/Dryer, Dishwasher, Microwave, A/C and Heating unit included. Rent Includes Water and Garbage! My home is available for you to move in privately asap .Home Address is 

CONTACT ME ON +234-80-322-94744

SO IF YOU ARE REALY INTRESTED I WILL WANT YOU TO FILL THE  RENT APPLICATIONS FORMS BELOW

RENTAL  APPLICATION FORM

Also,Pls let me get this answer.

FIRST NAME:__________________
MIDDLE NAME: _________________
LAST NAME: __________________
PROFESSION: ________________
PHONE (____) __________
(CELL)PHONE (____) __________
(WORK)PHONE (____) __________
(HOME)KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________
PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________
CITY: _______________
STATE: ______________
ZIPCODE: ____________ HOW LONG? ___________IF RENTING
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?  IF THIS APARTMENT IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? ____________WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? ______________
IF YOU HAVE A PET,
NAME OF PET: _____________
KIND OF PETS: _____________
HABITS
DO YOU SMOKE? ______________
DO YOU DRINK? ______________
DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT? ______________

Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you.

Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the key to you,please we are giving you all this base on trust and again i will want you to stick to your words,you know that,we do not see yet and only putting everything into Gods hand,so please do notlet us down in this our property and God bless you more as you do this.

Thanks and you are welcome.

CONTACT ME ON +234-80-322-94744

And here is my response to them:

Dearest,

I mightily appreciate your quick response.  Worried though informants sharing.  Gladness together we can develop mutuals agreements.  Payment upfront how much?  Payments are you wanting checks, bills, coins or drugs?  Please and totals.  Included you say is electricity, water, internet and garbage but phones and sewage is not?  I poop a lot then.  Do I use buckets because no toilet in your houses?  Is renters having sex on counters of kitchen allowed?  Please and thanks for your response in God’s trust.

p.S. – Living in Afrika?  Wow.  I enjoyments coffee there.  Also zebras.  Can you pet me won?

Yours truly,

Dirty Laundry Dick

Pretty cool, huh?  Have you ever sent a response back to these scammers just for fun?  You should share your story.  Also, if you want to spam the heck out of this scammer, here’s their email address:

elizabethhart89@yahoo.com

Happy bad grammar spamming and remember to share your response!

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